Feeling Detached

You know, I have to admit that although I felt this way all winter, since moving to Northern Lights, I’ve felt a lot better. I’ve been able to talk to real humans every once and a while. Weird, huh?
But for whatever reason today, I just feel totally detached and alone. Perhaps it is just that the only people I’ve talked to are clients, agents, and lenders. Or maybe it’s because my life is defined by this baby and I spend every day with everyone staring at me waiting for something to happen. Wow, I think I just hit on something. With two weeks worth of contractions under my belt, everyone (including me!) is SO anxious for this to happen. And of course, it changes a lot of things for a lot of people. I have clients that will have to work with my broker for at least a couple days. I have music students who won’t have lessons for a couple weeks. There is part of me that can totally understand why it might just be easier to have a scheduled c-section, because I apparantly am not the only control freak that wants to know when I’m going to be gone and for how long.
At the same time, I feel TONS of pressure, because my clients and my students want ME, not anyone else. I’ve had a lot of “Well, you’re not going to miss any of MY lessons, are you?” and so on. Even more frustrating, I have covered a few teachers while they couldn’t come to lessons for whatever reason, but no one will take my students for a few weeks. And yet I keep finding out I have new ones all the time.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go back to cleaning intensely, trying to kick start this labor, and then head over to Judy’s party this afternoon. Then I can socialize about things OTHER THAN work. Who knows, there might be Snicker Salad, and damn, that shit tastes gooooooood the last month or so. 🙂


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