Dear “Lifestyle Change”

Dear Lifestyle Change –

My husband and I thought we wanted you in our lives. We thought we wanted to be healthier, and lose some weight. We thought it would be good for us.

What I’m learning is that you aren’t good for US at all. You are coming between us.

As my husband stands on the scale after dinner and gets excited because in three weeks he’s lost 8 pounds, I glare at him and think evil, bitter, girly-angry things because I’ve gained a half a pound. A HALF A POUND, lifestyle change!

I’ll admit, I slipped up one day, but it wasn’t like I was absolutely crazy – I had some cheese curds and homemade lemonade at the fair that I really shouldn’t have had. But out of three weeks, I slip up once, and here I am, no better off than I was before. Now I see how it is. You favor him. He can eat cheese curds and drink lemonade (and have a gyro!!), but you still grace him with your favors, and he is so thrilled with you.

I see through you, lifestyle change. You are fickle, and bitter. In time, you won’t be able to do for my husband what you have been doing – that I promise you. And then he won’t love you quite as much as he does.

I’ll admit, I don’t want that to happen, because I’m proud of him and happy that he is happy – that is important to me. Yet I still have one thing left to tell you, lifestyle change.

I hate you, your abundance of salads and your stupid calorie counting.

I wish I could quit you….


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