I have to run!

O put his shoes on after dressing himself in jeans (not zipped, but buttoned!) and a sweatshirt, and as he did he said “I need to put on my running shoes.  I’m going to run to daddy’s work.”

“You are? That’s a long way… why do you need to run that far?”

“I have to go see daddy.  I have to tell him the naughty things I did today.  I have to tell everyone at daddy’s office.”  He says it with pride.

Perhaps we should start taking him to the Catholic church.  He seems to like confessing his sins….

Back off, mom!

We stopped at a park today while I was touring the state of Minnesota to eat some Subway and burn some energy. After we filled our tummies, we went to play. Nick encouraged Ollie to try to walk across these:

Apparently I’m paranoid. But I do know better. I was hovering. He was clinging for life, scared to try to move from one hanging platform to the next, and I was instructing, cheering, reaching out…

And Nick said “Back off, mommy. You need to let him do it.”

I shrunk away, knowing he was right (must let that preschooler discover he can do things instead of instilling doubt in him!), but still just wanting to help so much.

And you know what? He made it. He did it, all by himself, which prompted me to jump around like an idiot in the middle of the park and then bust into a quick rendition of “We Did It!” from Dora. Wow, how my life has changed.

Anyway, play resumed, and I quickly found myself at the top of a platform that Ollie was climbing to. I rushed over to get this shot:

I’m not kidding you, as the shutter clicked, he was saying “You need to back off mommy and let me do it myself!”

It’s a sad day.

Today’s Funny Ollie Quote

“Daddy, look! It’s a bulldozer!”

“No Ollie, that’s not a bulldozer, it’s a trackhoe.  Can you say trackhoe?”

“Crackhoe!”

“That’s not what I said at all….”

Why I Have Resumed Locking My Kid Up At Night

My Wednesday was eventful.  I was woken from my sleep semi-early for my kid – a little before 7, and his little 2 and a half year old brown eyes were just beaming at me.  I slid out of bed reluctantly, and began the morning routine of milk, cereal, and then preparing a bottle for Emmie.  I set the table for Ollie, and heard his sister making noise in her room, so I head towards the hallway to go get her for breakfast. 

I stopped, slightly confused when my foot went ‘squish’.

I panicked when I heard water rushing.

I screamed for my husband when I saw water pouring – and I mean POURING – out from underneath the closed bathroom door. 

I whipped open the door, honestly expecting an overflowing toilet, but was greeted by an overflowing sink, with the faucet on full blast.  And a ton of water.  TONS.

The good part for my son is that we were so freaked out and worried about what to do, that we didn’t have time to get really mad at him.  He got off kind of easy, considering the circumstances.

Further examination showed that Ollie decided to brush his teeth before waking us up.  He dropped the cap of his toddler toothpaste down the drain, which competely blocked it.  He also at some point squirted the entire tube worth of toothpaste down the drain, as well.  Then he decided to try to pull the cap out, which resulted in him breaking the whole drain assembly.

He then left the water running, for whatever reason that probably made some kind of crazy sense in a toddler’s head, and then shut the door, so mom would never know what happened…. right?

Wrong.

I’ve never been more thankful that I bought a Bissell carpet shampooer a few years ago after a closing.  We started with that, sucking up as much water as we could out of the carpet.  I think if there was one thing we did wrong, it was worrying more about the carpet in the hallway than the bathroom, because the water poured down the heat duct in there.  Because our house is on a crawl space (no basement), we now have a boatload of insulation that pretty much froze instantly, because it was -20 degrees and the water leaked out somewhere in a joint.  Fantastic.

Anyway, we pulled the carpet up after we got it somewhat dry (and I should add that I wash my carpets regularly, but a “deep clean” by flooding results in some SERIOUSLY dirty carpet water) and discovered linoleum underneath, which made us feel a little better.  The subflooring is okay!  Luckily we acted fast enough on most of it that other than replacing some insulation, a drain assembly, and maybe some carpet, we’re going to be okay.

We did estimate that we pulled approximately 12 gallons of water out of the carpet with the shampooer before we pulled the carpet up.

I learned a very important lesson.  A door knob safety cover on the inside of my son’s door is a necessity.  Who knows what else he would do in the middle of the night!

I guess potty priviledges at night have been revoked.  (And I was totally stoked about his progress in that!)

My Kid Ain’t No Dummy!

In the last two weeks, I’ve been slightly concerned with the activities my son has been partaking in.

Monday morning I woke up to a strange noise.  I walked out into the living room to find Ollie standing on a kitchen chair that he pushed over to the thermostat, thermostat open, trying to pull the batteries out.

Then began the goldfish wars.  Since his sister now eats well out of a snack cup, I give them each a snack cup in the afternoons.  Ollie snorfs his food down like he’s never eaten before, and Emmie eats slowly, one piece at a time. 

Tuesday afternoon Ollie decided that he would try to just switch snack cups with her.  I caught him in the act.

Wednesday afternoon he took both lids off, and was dumping her goldfish into his bowl.  I again caught him.  Yet he acted so innocent.

Thursday he was clever at daycare.  I didn’t hear any entire stories, just that he was “busy” all day.

Today, however, takes the cake.  I went walking past the dining room table and suddenly noticed it was covered in pink marker scribblings.  Ollie has a few Crayolas, but I don’t know when or how he got it out, much less colored the table.  I have yet to figure out how some of this stuff happens in the few moments that I look away – but he’s sure getting better at it!

I wiped up the table and Nick pulled in.  I told him what happened, and he immediately kneeled down by Ollie to ask him where the marker was.  There was a lot of shuffling, a lot of attempting to distract us, and he tried to convince us that the marker was in a number of different places.  Finally he pointed to the couch cushion and said “in there”. 

First we lifted the couch.  Not there.  He pointed again to the end of the couch cushion and said “in there”.  Yet it wasn’t there.  Nick started searching the couch, and found the marker finally buried between the center back cushion and the other cushions, cap off – and it was pink.

He scares me.  He really scares me.

Facebook Statuses of the Year!

There’s a new facebook application that picks statuses from 2010 and makes a “Year in 2010”.  Looking over my statuses brings back some laughs.  Just thought I’d share.

February:

Joslyn thinks morning sickness is the best thing ever.  I’m pretty sure I only want to be pregnant with boys from here on out, so I don’t have to deal with this.

March:

Joslyn has one of those funny Ollie things to remember.  Today he is shoving toys under my butt to hide them, and then saying “Where’d it go?”  Not sure if I should be offended or not, but it’s keeping him entertained, anyway.

EUC – 18 month old.  Heavy.  Stubborn.  Termperamental.  Make offer.  May be willing to ship.

Ollie is stacking blocks and saying “Two… two… two…” with each one.

Ollie used the potty today!  He told us he needed to go and everything!  All by himself!  YAY!

Joslyn’s kid just shoved a dirty sock into her water glass.  Seriously, wtf?  Where does he get these ideas?

Two weeks left and I still haven’t packed a hospital bag, set up the bassinet, or picked out a name (names).  How does it go so much faster the second time???

Nick’s anticipated time of arrival in Walker – 9 AM.  Time I fully expect to go into active labor all by myself, 9:30.  (Perhaps if I anticipate it, it won’t happen… right?)

Joslyn is a mean, mean wife.  I just punked my husband – texted him and told him my water broke.  (It didn’t)  Fun news when you’re 3.5 hours away!

Joslyn loves how every letter on the fridge is “C”, “M”, or “I”.

Dear Unnamed Child in my Stomach – This notice serves as my intent to offer you cash for keys for a successful and complete move out of the property you are currently occupying.  Property must be left in broom swept condition, with no major repairs needed.  If you do not accept this offer, steps toward eviction will occur.  Please make an immediate effort to work this out with us.  Thank you for your consideration!

April:

Someone forgot to give the baby the memo that today was a good day for a birthday.

Joslyn thinks it’s hilarious when Ollie sees something shiny he points and yells “HINEY!” as loud as he can.

She’s here! She’s here!  She has no name yet, but she’s here!

Okay, Emmie, momma has faith in you.  You slept for seven hours straight last night… can we do it again???

Joslyn was impressed with Ollie today.  Super good with Emma, is really trying hard with his counting, is getting amazing with his colors, and is adding so many new words and phrases!  Today he even said “I want to go home.  Let’s go see Emmie”  Being a mom is so fun!

Joslyn is having identity issues.  Now I’m suddenly lighter than I’ve been in six years, drinking coffee, and a hardcore mom.  It’s kind of throwing me off…

Joslyn has it figured out.  Lots of loud noise = sleeping baby.  Silence = unhappy, awake, crying baby.

Joslyn is having a heavy debate with Ollie over Spiderman’s status as a robot.  He insists that Spiderman is a robot, I’m insisting he isn’t.

Joslyn has a kid asleep on her shoulder, and another leaning against her sucking his thumb while we watch Bolt together.  Life is good.

Joslyn got the lovely idea to take a shower while everyone else was asleep.  So what happens?  The cat spends the entire length of my shower trying to dig his way through the shower door because he wants my attention.

Joslyn just caught her son happily chewing on a pink pacifier.  Cue explanation about pacifiers being for babies and Ollie being a big boy….

No human mother should have a perfectly scheduled dream child the first time, who sleeps all night long from the day he’s born, followed by a completely random, unscheduled munchkin the second time.

Joslyn may be giving away a toddler on freecycle.  I think he’s defective.  He throws lots of tantrums.

Emmaline, mommy adores the fact that you slept for SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT last night, and even better – SO DID MOM!!!

Joslyn got the kids all dressed and went for a nice walk today.  The double jogging stroller is the best purchase I’ve made this year, I swear.

Joslyn just watched Emmaline roll onto her tummy, then onto her back, then onto her tummy again.  You know, I thought maybe I’d actually have a baby this time… but maybe I was wrong.

Joslyn loves when Ollie poops on the toilet and then whispers “oooohhhhhh…… good boy!”  (TMI?  Sorry….)

Ollie, sitting on the couch, turns and gives me that naughty half grin, quickly stands up, and deliberately WALKS OFF THE COUCH.  He falls face first onto the floor, and then starts bawling and saying “I’m okay, I’m okay….”  More attention seeking?  What a nut.

Joslyn did the two-kids-one-bath thing tonight.  Other than the screaming, splashing, and peeing, it went well.

May:

Nick – “Don’t worry, by the time we have the next one, you’ll have two great kids to help you.”  Me – “What are you going to do with OUR kids?”  Nick – “I don’t know yet….”

Ollie is pointing at random letters on my keyboard and saying “A, L, C, Q….”

Joslyn has two unhappy kids, a cat that just puked all over my carpet, taxes to finish, a PA to get finalized, a house to rekey, and an all day seminar tomorrow.  I’m beginning to think that the seminar is a nice though,2 but simply not feasible at this time….

Full cup of coffee, loud car stereo and an hour kid free – a refreshed mommy!

Em has this laugh thing she does when she’s excited, and she sounds like she’s hyperventilating.  Anyone who knows me well can testify after hearing it that she is my daughter.  Poor Emmie, going to be a dork like her mommy.  🙂

The car wash makes my kid bite his nails.

Joslyn is a supporter of multi-tasking, which is why I’m drinking coffee in the shower.

June:

Ollie keeps asking where “Rose and Datt” are.

Who knew that a psychotic woodpecker that thinks my window is a tree would TOTALLY make Ollie’s day???

Joslyn is now taking volunteers to wash her dishes, shampoo her carpet and wash clothes.  I cannot pay you.  So get that idea out of your head.

Joslyn hopes everyone had a fantastic Mother’s Day today!  I don’t know how I got so lucky… two great kids and a husband who is crazy enough to think I’m a good mom!

When caught doing something naughty, Oliver looks at me innocently and says “What did Emmie do???”  Um, do you mean the two month old lying on the floor 6 feet away?  Probably not.

Joslyn’s daughter just snorted while she was laughing.  I think it’s soooo cute, but I feel a little sorry for her at the same time.

Joslyn wonders if it was abuse when people duct-taped her to the wall in band.  If not, is it abuse if I do it to my toddler?

Ollie: “A bath?”  “No” “Yeah?” “No”  “Yeah?”  “No” “YES?” “No” “Ollie take a bath?”  “No” “YESSSSSSSSSSSSS” “No” “Look, an ant!”  Yes, my kid is easily distracted.

Ollie’s first mosquito attack.  “What’s this?”  (Pointing to the mosquito on his arm, perfectly content) “Mosquito”  “Ohhhhhhhhhh.  Hi mosqui….. OW!  OW! NO NO NO NO NO MOSQUITO!!!”

Joslyn had a rough mommy day.  First Ollie says “Mommy, Emmie’s pretty”, and then I put him to bed in a big boy bed for the first time.  It is sad and exciting all at the same time.

Ollie is calling our pineapple an “apple tree”.  🙂

Okay, I know I’m constantly doing weird things like eating dinner in the shower or using my Blackberry in the shower… but is having a glass of wine in the shower just going too far?

Joslyn and Emmie are debating many serious things, like politics and if size 1 diapers will ever fit her.

July:

“Ollie, how many times have I told you NOT to do that?”  “One hundred?”    Who taught him THAT one???

Joslyn has a very considerate little boy.  He called Briggy from the backseat to see if she was cold.  What a nice boy, calling the kitty!

Ollie is reading a story to himself.  It is apparently all about Emmie.  Wait, let me correct that.  It’s all about all the things Emmie does wrong.  “Oh, no no Emmie.  Naughty Emmie. Oh, Emmie, what did you DO?”

Joslyn had fun teaching Ollie that ANYONE can have a time out, and that mom is not exempt.  Mom also likes the minute for every year of age rule, and that dad threatened to double her time out if she didn’t behave.  Sit in the corner all by myself being quiet for twice my age’s worth of minutes? How is that a punishment???

Joslyn realized it’s July.  July is the month in which my son was born.  This means my son is turning two.  I’m not okay with that.  In fact, I’m taking his birthday away.

August:

“Oh, cute Emmie.  So cute Emmie.  what did you do, naughty Emmie?  So cute.”  Seriously.  What is going through his head?

Joslyn’s son has a one track mind today.  “Grandma and Grandpa and firework?  Firework?  Firework?  FFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRKKKKK????”

There’s an invisible dinosaur in Ollie’s room and he keeps telling me he’s scared.  He won’t sleep, just cries.  What on Earth do I do?  I’ve tried chasing him off, taking him bye bye, making him leave….

Does anybody know why when I blow a kiss at Ollie he says “Icky mosquito!”???

September:

“Ollie, do you want to go to the doctor today?”  No, I want to go to the zoo.”  Nice try, kid.

According to a height predictor, Ollie will be 6’6” at 18.  That’s more than a foot taller than me. I’m going to be that mom in the photos that is a shrimp compared to her son.

Joslyn’s baby is five months old today, and for her 5 month birthday she decided to start scooting – although so far it’s only backwards.

Joslyn’s daughter has now figured out how to move forward.  Boy, am I in for it now!

Joslyn wants to apologize in advance to Emmie’s huband someday for her horrible attitude before she gets her breakfast every morning.  The sweet little thing becomes a very angry and vocal little girl until after breakfast.

Ollie is now repeating everything my Garmin says.  When he starts doing it in a feminine voice with a British accent it may be too much.

Emmie loves it when I sing “Single Ladies” to her. She laughs hysterically.  What a fruit loop.

Joslyn is going to hemorrhage some money.  In other words, I’m going to buy diapers.

October:

“Mom, you listen.  I want fireworks.  Wait.  More Diego?”

Joslyn has a son that is more than happy to share that he is “going to give mommy a stroke”.  LOL

Emmie finally has a diaper box worth of clothes she has outgrown.  It blows my mind, because Ollie filled his first box by a week old.  It took Emmie six months.

Joslyn is packing up the small 4T clothes.  This is getting insane.

“Your sister is crazy, just like you Ollie.”  Brown eyes look up and reply “just like YOU, mommy!”  I’ve never seen Nick laugh so hard.

November:

Joslyn has a toddler with endless tears tonight.  I wish I could fix whatever is wrong….

Joslyn is taking her kid to the doctor.  I would buy him ice cream, a pony and his own country if it would make him feel better.  Luckily he will not be spoiled – I can only afford the ice cream.

It’s the worst feeling in the world when your kids are sick, but it’s the best feeling in the world when they just want you to cuddle then because you are mommy.  🙂

Joslyn just watched her 7 month old crawl across the floor to the toy bins and pull every toy out, one by one.  Now I have two kids who dump toys all over!

If you could bottle whine and sell it, Ollie would leave me a very rich woman today.

Dear Oliver,
Screaming bloody murder anytime Emmie simply looks at one of your toys, much less crawls towards it, is beyond annoying.  Please stop, before your mom goes crazy. 
With much love,
Your mother

There is a waterpark outside the window and my child asks to go to daycare.  Seriously????

December:

My daughter is a Yipiyuk.  (Who gets this reference?  Just me?)

Joslyn has to cuddle her daughter every time the man in bright orange comes into the house, because apparently he’s terrifying.

It never fails – you have a hard day with your toddler, feel so frustrated, go through his baby pictures, and then feel like the #1 worst mom on the planet for being mad at him.  Yay.

A fabulous time was had by all (well, the two of us) when Ollie and I frolicked outside while Emmie napped.  Now mommy is extra drained and Ollie is wore out, but it was worth it!

I’m going to place everything that is mine on the floor and put all of the kid’s toys out of reach so that they are interested in their own toys for once.

Off to First Aid/CPR certification, where I will learn how to keep my daughter from choking on all the stuff she shoves in her mouth and bandage all of my crazy son’s wounds.

Listening to the conversation between my son and husband in the bathroom.  “No, Ollie, you have to SIT to go poopie…. you can’t stand up and go poopie.”  “Ollie want to stand!!!”

Joslyn has the best son ever.  He’s pretending to cook me dinner, and has brought me a chocolate mocha.  What more could a mommy need?

Monday

First, I have to throw this out there.

Dear Mother of Two in the Target Parking Lot –

I could do nothing less than deeply sympathize with your plight in the middle of the Target parking lot in Cambridge earlier this afternoon.  As I watched what I presume to be roughly a three year old boy stare you down as he slowly stepped backwards away from you, I instantly felt a connection.  After all, it was like looking in a mirror.  Well, in a mirror on a day where my kids were with me and not at home with my sick husband.

You stood your ground, and I commend you, Mother of Two!  You insisted that he return to you, and were scanning and watching to make sure he wasn’t backing into danger (because after all, he wasn’t looking where he was going, just giving you the stare down).  Eventually you emerged victorious, never stepping a foot towards him.  Congratulations, mom.  You rock!

Sincerely,

Fellow mother of a “spirited” little boy.

Okay, now onto usual business.

I came home today to two kids napping and my husband waiting patiently for death.  How I have made it this far without getting sick, I may never know.  But as I settled in (Lying on the bed wishing I could get a nap but far too caffeinated to fall asleep), my son started waking up.  And when I heard Ollie knock on his door through his monitor and say “Mommy, where are you?” I melted.  Awwwww….. he missed me!  So what do I do?  Go running to his arms?  Pick him up and smother him in kisses?

No.

I continued to lie there and listen to him.

Oh, come on.  You know you have done it at least once.  He continued.  “Mommy, come get me!  Mommy, are you at work?  Moooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy where areeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuu????”

Eventually Nick and I wandered down the hallway, where we dropped to the floor and crawled to the end, peeking under his doorway.  He either heard or spotted us, and immediately did the same.  He was so excited to see me!  He came out and gave me a big hug.  I love that kid.

Then he proceeded to run past both of us, bust through Emmie’s door and scream.  Thanks a lot, Ollie.

Emmie was excited to see me, too, mauling my face like she does when she’s excited.

Overall, it was a nice day to come home to my kids.  They’re pretty wonderful.

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